You’re Wrong! How to Kindly Handle Learning Mistakes

Imagine you are outside with your child, admiring the beautiful flowers blooming in a garden. As you and your child come to some pretty red roses, she excitedly says, “Look! A purple flower!”

But… these are not purple flowers. There aren’t even any purple flowers nearby, that you can see. These flowers are definitely red. You have two choices. You can kindly correct your little one or you can keep it in your mind for later.

The Montessori Philosophy

In a Montessori classroom, we try to avoid correcting the child and telling them they are wrong. Maria Montessori understood children are still learning and are doing their best. Just like adults, they do not always know the right answer. When children show us they are still working on mastering a topic, we try to remember that observation. This may mean they need a refresher lesson.

In the case of the red/purple roses, I might say, “Aren’t those flowers pretty? Do you like them?” and engage her in conversation. I may try to work in color naming to the conversation. Perhaps I will notice a different red flower and point it out, saying something like, “Wow, I love this red flower! Do you see the red flower?” At home, I would probably spend more time naming colors and doing activities with colors.

This is true for most any mistake or misunderstanding. If a child is adding 2 + 2 and gets 5, I let it be. As the child continues to practice addition equations, I will try to note why he might have gotten 5. Did he simply miscount? Did he grab the wrong number of beads? I will also look for an emerging pattern. If he goes through a set of addition equations and they are all incorrect, I will make a note to go over the lesson again with the child. If there is only one mistake, I may assume it was a simple mistake and more practice is needed.

Another thing to consider is that the child may not actually be wrong! Sometimes other people are seeing things in a different way than us and it gives them a different answer. Maybe they yell, “Blue jay!” excitedly while you see a robin hopping across the yard. What you don’t immediately notice is the blue jay sitting in the branch over the swing set. Or the purple flower hiding below the red roses.

But shouldn’t children know when they’re incorrect?

As an adult looking to teach children – whether it is your own child or a classroom of children – we often feel pressure to correct them. If we don’t tell them the red flower is actually red, and not purple, will they believe red is called purple? Will the wrong answer become embedded in their little brains?

In all likelihood, no. When we instantly correct a child, they will have a harder time truly learning it. In many cases, we will still be spending more time giving exposure and lessons to the proper terminology and methods. Additionally, think about how many times a day a child might make a mistake as they are learning. It may be many times a day as they are learning a new skill. When children frequently hear about their mistakes, it can become discouraging. If every time they try their addition work, you point out the incorrect equations, eventually they will be resistant to addition. They may feel like they can’t do it at all.

Further, immediately correcting a child will often mean disrupting concentration. One of the goals in a Montessori environment is to encourage children to have good concentration. We allow them to do their work (and play!) independently and become absorbed in it. Stepping in to correct them interrupts and makes it more difficult for them to learn deep concentration.

Montessori Materials and the Control of Error

Most Montessori materials have a built in “control of error.” This means there is a built in function that will let the child realize independently if he has made a mistake. Puzzles fit together in a particular way, sorting materials have an equal number of items per category, counting materials have exactly the right number of objects, and so on.

If a child is counting objects to match to numbers and gets to the number 10 but has eleven objects, something has the wrong number of items. A child may be able to figure this out on her own or she may choose to ask for help. Regardless, the child will feel better than if she were told (again) she was wrong.

When We Do Step In

The times we step in and immediately correct a child is typically limited to two occastions.

1: They are not being safe.
2: They are using something improperly

Of course we want our children to be safe and if you feel your child is being unsafe, then it is absolutely fine to step in and correct your child. In these situations, I try to keep things calm and kind. For example, my daughter had pulled a tall stool into the middle of the room and climbed on top. I could see she was not well balanced and could get hurt if she fell. I approached her so I could catch her if needed and said, “Wow, you are up high! This is not a safe place to be up high. You can get down yourself or I will help you.” When she got down, I invited her to climb in a more appropriate location.

In a Montessori classroom, many guides to not allow children to explore materials unless they have had a lesson on how to use it. The philosophy behind this is wanting to be sure the child understands for what the material is used. This way, a child does not have an incorrect usage in mind already which can take away from later understanding and meaning.

At home, many activities we have are more open ended materials so there are not certain “right” ways to use the materials. For me, unless there is a Montessori material being used, I leave it up to our own house rules. If I think a material or toy might break, I will step in. If it is something that could lead to someone getting hurt, I will step in. But I generally try to let them explore with their creativity.

How do you handle mistakes at home? Do you find yourself correcting more often than you like?