The Montessori Mommy - Bringing Montessori Home

Help! My child goes to preschool… What do we do at home?

When parents enroll their children in school, whether it’s day care, preschool, or grade school, they often ask teachers: How can I support what my child is learning at home? Are there homework assignments? Activities I should have my child working on?

Montessori schools are different in that we rarely assign homework or ask families to work on things at home, though there seems to be growing support for this. Even in preschool, children are working on basic math skills, learning letter sounds, and learning simple biology.

Play

Play is the number one thing I recommend to parents. Specifically, free play. I encourage families to find open ended toys to play with. Open ended toys support a child’s creativity, confidence, and they will even learn a thing or two! Children learn about many things when they play with open ended toys. For one, reactions and physics. Watch a child play with a rolling ball or build a tower. He is watching how the toy is interacting with the world, experimenting with gravity and balance.

Outdoor free play is also important. Soccer needs only a few people and a soccer ball. It may not be regulation, but is a great experience for children. Before playing, children will have to decide what the goals will be and where the boundaries of the “field” are. If there are enough players, they will have to figure out teams and positions. Children will need to agree on rules. After that is sorted out, healthy gross motor activity will commence!

Other activities are exploring outdoors, whether that is in your own backyard, the woods, or a park. Their imaginations can really go wild outside. The swing set is a pirate ship, that caterpillar is fascinating, and a collection of acorns is treasure.

Some of our favorites are:

Unit blocks
LEGO classic creator sets
Dolls – these are sometimes close ended, but children also explore social interactions and role play ideas in very creative ways.
Simple art supplies, such as: white paper, colored pencils, paint
Flashlights
Blankets
Balls

Read!

In addition to play, which is so important for children, I always recommend parents read with their children. Even infants love to be read to! They may not comprehend as much as an older child, but they enjoy the closeness and the sound of your voice.

Reading to children can be a wonderful bonding experience. Snuggling with or sitting near your child while you read a book not only is enjoyable, but is educational. It can help develop empathy and imagination. It can expand understanding and vocabulary. Plus, the more you read with your child, the more likely they are to enjoy reading themselves.

I also encourage parents to continue to read even after their child has learned to read independently. As children get older, finding a book above their reading level, but within their comprehension, is best. I have fond memories of my mom still reading to me through elementary school! By the time I elementary school ended, it was usually one once or twice a week. But we still have happy memories of the books she read.

Inclusion in Home Life

Primary Montessori classrooms have a dedicated “practical life” area. On the shelves children find pouring, scooping, and tonging activities. Children will practice polishing metal and shoes. They will learn to tie a bow, sew a button, and so many other useful skills. Setting up your own practical life area is not necessary. Instead, we encourage families to include their children in these everyday activities.

My toddler put together a whole lasagna with only a little help

When you’re making dinner, have your child slice the cucumbers for the salad or stir the pot. At breakfast time, let them scoop cereal for themselves and pour the milk. When you’re cleaning the house, give them a squirt bottle and a cloth, and invite them to clean the windows. Open the door and let them climb in the car themselves or fasten their own buckles (just make sure to make sure they are safely secured after!)

When children start doing these things for themselves, it will inevitably take longer. Also, it will probably not be done to your standards. The other day, my 2 year old chopped cucumbers for dinner. They were huge slices! But she was doing her best and it did not matter to me. What mattered was that she was proud of her work and was happy to eat the cucumbers.

She seasoned and stirred the green beans. They came out great and she contributed to dinner.

For more ideas on helping your child be more independent in your home, see my earlier post, here.

What You Don’t Need to Do

Don’t push the academics outside of school time. Young children are often very curious about the world and eager to learn. Parents absolutely can support this! With my toddlers, we spent a lot of time counting objects, noticing colors, and building vocabulary. Now that my oldest is in kindergarten, I may have her practice things she learns in school in real life. She is learning fractions, so when I was baking, I asked her to find the 1/2 teaspoon. Sometimes she asks what words say, so I have her sound it out. But we keep dedicated academic activities to school time.

This is not to say academics are bad at home, but we don’t need to stress about it.

Final Thoughts

Let kids be kids! Let them play, read with them, give them the time to have free play, and minimize structured activities. I believe there are benefits to structured extracurriculars, but follow your child’s interests and avoid over-scheduling. Including them in the household chores and tasks is great for skill building, confidence building, and independence.

Why should children do chores? And how to get there?

Children doing chores brings up a lot of feelings for parents. Some families expect children to do chores while other families do not wish to impose them on their kids. There are reasons parents have come to their decision and they often feel strongly about this topic, whatever they have decided.

In Montessori classrooms and homes, chores are an expectation. Maria Montessori saw benefits, described below, of children doing the work. Not only that- young children enjoyed it! Just think of how often your toddler “helpfully” puts all the mail in the trash or tries to sweep crumbs up, while really just making a larger mess.

We typically feel annoyed or frustrated and make the situation stop. Or maybe you don’t, but you are not sure where to start with teaching chores. Jump to see which chores will be appropriate for your children.

Why Chores?

Maria Montessori found children are far more capable than society believed. Once a child has been shown how to do a job, they will practice it for a while. How long depends on the child, the difficulty of the job, and how often it is done.

Montessori classrooms handle classroom jobs in different ways, but typically they are responsible for cleaning the classroom. (Note: it is also cleaned by adults after the children leave!) Children are expected to dust, care for plants, sweep, vacuum, clean windows, and do anything else that needs to be done.

Studies have also found chores are beneficial for children. For one, it helps them feel like an important part of the family; a “we’re all in this together” mindset. It can also be a source of pride, knowing they “did it.” Chores are beneficial in raising self-sufficient, independent children.

Introducing Chores

Montessori classrooms teach children how to do many simple housekeeping chores. We introduce children to one job at a time and use child sized tools. Classrooms have small brooms, squirt bottles, and carpet sweepers. In my own home, I have also have a stick vacuum and a hand vacuum for our kids.

Everything a child needs to do each task should be easy to access. For example, we keep the broom and dust pan hanging in easy reach in the kitchen. A squirt bottle (just water for my kids) and some microfiber cloths are in a bin to clean windows.

My first daughter has been doing laundry since she was 4.5. Stickers on the machine and laundry pods help her to be successful.

The next thing to do is give the lesson. I start the lesson by getting the tool(s) we will need and doing some of the task. Secondly, I model cleaning up my supplies, which might include dumping the dust pan in the trash or putting the cloth in the laundry. Then we put our supplies away. Next, I will put the tools away. Finally, I will invite the child to do the task himself.

Practice Makes Perfect

Children often do not clean as well as we would like. I handle this in a few ways. If I am with the child and they are still engaged in the task, I will show her what she needs to do. For example, if a child is sweeping, I may point to some crumbs she may have missed.

It is more complicated if the child has decided the job is already finished. For young children or children who are just learning how to complete the task, I often just let it be. I will take care of it later, but never in front of the child! If the child sees me “fixing” their work, it feels demeaning and will make them wonder why they did it in the first place. If it is an older child or a child who has practiced the job often, I will call her back to do a better job, but kindly. “Susan, I noticed you have finished sweeping, but there are still crumbs in the corner. Please sweep them up, then we will come back to this.”

Which chores are right for my child?

The first chores I start with my children are those of personal responsibility. This means putting toys away, putting their dirty clothes in the basket, and cleaning up after themselves. Gradually I add more household responsibilities as is developmentally appropriate. If my children express an interest in something earlier though, I am happy to accomodate!

Here is a handy guide if you need some ideas for where to start:

Defining Space – How Montessori Children Use Rugs

**This post contains affiliate links**

One of the first things some adults notice in a Montessori classroom is the use of work rugs under a child’s activity. The mat is usually not too large; just big enough to contain all the materials a child will need for his activity.

Work rugs are an integral part of the Montessori classroom and one of the fist lessons a child receives. Rugs are typically stored rolled neatly. Showing a child where the rugs live is the first step. Next, the child practices unrolling it. After that, the child very carefully walks around the edge of the rug. We never walk on the work rug, it is only for work. Finally, the child rolls the rug bag up, very carefully, and returns it to its home.

My daughter’s carefully rolled rug. She chooses to make it stand after she rolls it – every time – to make sure she rolled it well.

Purpose of the Work Rug

Work rugs, or mats, define the child’s space. All of a child’s materials belong on the work rug. For extra large activities, children will add a second rug to their area. Work rugs keep the materials orderly, which appeals to a young child’s sense of order. Additionally, it appeals to adults looking to keep some semblance of order! 😉

The rug gives them a sense of ownership. The space is theirs and the materials are theirs. Other children may watch, but need permission to touch.

As a final step to an activity, work mats make cleaning much easier. Since all the materials are located on the work rug, the child need only focus on that one are when cleaning up. Suddenly, cleaning up feels more manageable. This is especially true when there is a bin or tray to return all the items to before returning to the shelf!

Additionally, work rugs limit the number of activities out at one time. Because the first activity is already on the rug, it is difficult for a second activity to come out. Ideally, there are enough rugs for each child to have one. This encourages children to clean up, without a reminder, before moving on to the next activity. An extra rug or two may be useful to accommodate extra large activities, but we try to avoid having too many rugs. This prevents children from getting a second rug for a second activity.

Not everything is exactly on the rug, but my toddler got this set up completely independently.

Work Rugs at Home

Work rugs can be used at home, too! We began introducing the rugs around the time my first was 18 months. When she was that young, I did not expect her to do this independently. I also did not interrupt activities to give her a work rug! Interrupting would have interfered with her developing concentration.

Instead, I would invite her to play with me, especially when I put out new activities. Excitedly, I invited her to play with me. “First, let’s get a work rug!” When she saw how happy I was with the rug, she was happy, too. She gladly helped me unroll the rug, we completed the activity, and she helped me roll the rug. The more often we did this together, the more ingrained it became.

As the second born child, our younger child has always seen work rugs being used with activities. At this point, at age 2, she is much better at using them than our first was at that age. Regardless, in toddlerhood I do not expect children to be independently consistent in using them.

As my first daughter has gotten older, she has developed an appreciation for the work rug, though she does not remember every single time. I asked her why she likes using work rugs, for both play and school, and this is what she told me:

It’s easy for her to know what is her job to clean up
She can show her sister whose activities are whose
It keeps things organized so she doesn’t lose pieces
She can move all her toys away from her sister easily by moving the rug
We let her “save” activities if they are on a work rug

As a parent, I love how much it simplifies things. There are times when my children forget to use a work rug. It is amazing how quickly their clean, tidy space seems to explode. No one knows who was playing with what, where things came from, or where to start cleaning. I’m overwhelmed looking at everything and they’re overwhelmed with the task of cleaning up.

When they have their things on the work rug, there are a lot of times I don’t even need to remind them to clean up! When I do, it is in the context of something else. For example, “We have to leave soon. The toys will need to be cleaned up before then.”

Have you tried using work rugs in your home? How has it worked for you? Still on the fence? I’d love to hear your questions and comments!

Choosing a Work Rug

You have many options if you are looking to add work rugs to your child’s play environment! Some things to look for are:

An appropriate size for your child to play on. Often 2′ x 3′ is a good size
Something that is flexible, so it can be rolled or folded when not in use
Something neutral or light colored and without distracting prints.

One rug that I have been happy with is the EOFEEL Montessori Work Rug. This rug is 31″ x 45″ and a good size and weight. My only complaint is that these rugs shrunk in the wash. I do like to wash the work rugs regularly to keep them clean and looking nice. Fortunately, they did not shrink so much to make them unusable. EOFEEL rugs also come in a smaller size, which is ideal for smaller activities or toddlers. At the time this was written, the larger EOFEEL rug was $25.44 and the smaller one was $10.43

The last rug I’ve used is this woven rag rug, which is about 2′ x 3′. Compared to the EOFEEL rugs, this is lighter weight and a little less sturdy, but for a cheaper price it seems well constructed. This has not noticeably shrunk in the wash, which I appreciate! At the time of writing this, the woven rag rug is $16.58 USD. The only thing I wish was different is that this rug is striped. It does not affect my children’s play when compared to a solid color mat, but I prefer the aesthetic of a solid colored rug.

Montessori Activities: Open Ended or Close Ended?

I frequently see images and ideas for beautiful, open ended children’s activities. The captions will say how well the activity is aligned to Montessori.

It’s not.

For those unfamiliar with the terms, open ended activities and materials are those that do not have a set outcome or way to use them. Art supplies, building blocks, and pretend play are common examples of open ended activities. Close ended activities are those which have a set way to use them and have a particular outcome. A board game, puzzle, or activities with a set of rules that must be followed are close ended activities.

After much trial and error, Maria Montessori developed a collection of materials designed to educate children. The activities were each carefully designed to show the child one thing. The sandpaper letters give children a sensorial experience when learning letter sounds. Geometric solids allow children to explore three dimensional shapes. Pouring activities allow children to practice pouring.

Building the puzzle map of South America, learning the names and shapes of the countries.

Close ended materials are the easiest way to teach children a new skill. You want them to practice using tongs? Set up a tonging activities. Are you trying to teach colors to your child? The color tablets are a great choice. The moveable alphabet is perfect for letting children build words. None of these activities lend themselves to free play. There are other educational outcomes, such as fine motor development or concentration. However, each material is designed as a closed ended activity.

Some of the benefits of Montessori philosophy and materials include:

Freedom to make independent choices
Explore complex ideas in a concrete way
Supporting a child’s innate sense of order
Give a child a sense of purpose and accomplishment

Open Ended Activities

Open ended activities are also great for children! There are other education methods that have far more emphasis on free play and open ended materials. Waldorf and Reggio Emilia schools come to mind. Open ended play encourages children’s creativity and expression. When children build with blocks, they create amazing structures. Children painting a picture explore color, lines, and other elements of art.

One of the things I noticed when comparing the benefits of open-ended versus close-ended, is the overlap of benefits.

Children learn to express themselves in a variety of ways
Children can navigate emotions and new experiences
They have a sense of freedom and independence
Development of confidence is supported
Children explore concepts without realizing it: for example, exploring the rules of physics when playing with a ball.

My Own Conclusion

I believe children need both. Something I keep in mind is that Maria Montessori developed an educational methodology. In our home, where we are homeschooling, we have a mixture of open ended and close ended activities. In the playroom, close ended activities are things like puzzles and board games. Open ended activities are dolls and building blocks. There is also a mix with outdoor play. Children can often spend hours exploring and playing outdoors in free, open ended play. We also spend time gardening, exploring, and completing different tasks.

When I choose activities for homeschool, I typically choose close ended ones. Our goal is to teach specific skills and support our children’s thirst for knowledge and understanding. I cannot say my children are always excited about new lessons or choosing work. We certainly have our moments!

After school time though, it is not uncommon to find either of my children choosing school activities and practicing skills with their close ended activities.

Montessori Language Activities

The Very Beginning

Even before infant say their first words, they are learning to understand their language- or languages if you’re a bilingual family! Infants learn to understand spoken language, in addition to gestures and facial expressions. As they take in everything, parents and caregivers want to be able to do all we can to support our children’s language development.

Early Montessori Activities

In toddler and primary Montessori classrooms, one focus in the language are is building vocabulary. One activity might be a basket of toy vehicles, such as a train, car, plane, and a bike. The children are free to explore the objects and the adult will name the objects for the child.

The next step will be matching objects to objects. These activities have a few sets of identical objects. The child is shown how to match the objects and may be given the names of each object as well.

After the child has mastered matching objects, she will be introduced to matching object to pictures. The pictures would first be photos of the objects, then possibly the shadow of the object, then an outline of the object.

Finally, children may begin matching with 3 part cards. These cards have a set of control cards, which have an image with a label, such as a photo of a jaguar and the word “jaguar” written below. Then there are a set of photo cards and a set of label cards. The child can practice matching the photos and the label cards to the control card, even before he learns to read.

These activities not only are helping children gain an extensive vocabulary, but are also supporting the development of visual discrimination. This is a skill that will help the child with letter recognition when the time comes.

Sound Games

Before actual letters are introduced to children, we play sound games with them. This helps build phonemic awareness. Often this game is called I Spy. This is a very easy game to play at home with your toddler, too.

We start with a basket of objects, ideally an object that has each beginning sound in the alphabet. Examples might be an apple, ball, cat, die, elephant, and so forth. For a very young child, I would invite the child (or children) to choose an object. I would say, “Oh, you chose a cat,” emphasizing the beginning sound. Then I would say, “I Spy with my eye something in Susan’s hand that starts with a /c/.” The child would typically respond with an excited, “Cat!”

As they become more familiar with the concept, I will invited them to choose a few objects to line up, name the objects, and ask them to find the object that starts with one particular sound. Eventually we will move on to more object and practice hearing the ending and middle sounds in words.

Sandpaper Letters

Sandpaper letters are the main material used in a Montessori classroom to teach letters. These are only introduced after a child has strong phonemic awareness.

While different guides introduce the letters differently, a few things are always the same. Firstly, we only use lower case letters. Most letters a child will encounter will be lower case, so this will be the most useful. [Note: while we focus on lower case letters, letters that must be upper case will be properly capitalized.]

Secondly, we never use the letter’s name. Children will eventually need to know the letter’s name, but to learn to write and read, the sound the letter makes is most useful. Thirdly, the vowels will only be given short vowel sounds to start. Long vowels will come later with other lessons. Finally, all the consonants will be on a pink board; all vowels are on blue boards.

When giving the lesson, the teacher will silently trace the letter and give the sound it makes. The child is invited to repeat this and a three period lesson will be given.

The Next Steps

After letter sounds have been mastered, children will be introduced to the moveable alphabet. We use this material to let the child build words, starting with simple consonant-vowel-consonant (CVC) words. As they become more confident with this, we will introduce simple consonant blends.

Reading will come later. Children will often begin reading the words they build back to themselves and adults. Early reading activities are often more matching activities, matching simple CVC words to their pictures.

From there, children learn more ways to spell and write words, develop more fine motor skills for better penmanship, and begin reading books.

This Space is Mine! Definition of Space with Work Rugs

What is a “work rug?”

Montessori classrooms use work rugs, also called mats, to define space. They support a child’s desire for order. Before choosing a floor activity, children retrieve a “work rug” or “mat” and lay it across the floor. Then they may choose their activity and set it up on the rug. Their materials are expected to stay on the rug, which helps keep the materials orderly and makes clean up a little easier – all the pieces are in one place!

Additionally, children have a sense of ownership of the materials they are using. Other children are taught to respect their classmates’ rugs and only touch when invited or after asking.

Introducing Rugs at Home

We first introduced rugs in our home when our first was a little over a year. At that age, I did not expect my daughter to use it on her own. It starts with modeling. When she got a new toy, I’d always show it to her on the rug. Eventually a little sister came along, and our first was also modeling how to use a work rug.

Using a work rug does not come naturally to a toddler. They are far more impulsive than older children and when they choose an activity without first getting a mat to work on. Still, every time I engage a toddler in an activity, I let them know I am getting a rug fist.

As they grow out of the toddler stage, I begin reminding children to get a rug before using a material. “Oh, I see you want to play with this! Let’s get a mat first!” is an easy reminder.

Now that my oldest is school aged, she appreciates using a mat under her activities, whether for homeschool work or for play. She reminds her sister that it is “her space,” and keeps all her materials and toys together. When she is cleaning up, it is easy for both of us because we know she usually only needs to put away whatever is on her rug. Then, she carefully rolls it up. Her favorite part is making sure it can stand on it’s own. It is a sign she has rolled the rug well.

Benefits of a Rug

My kids love that when the have to clean up, they know exactly which toys and materials they are responsible for. But one of their favorite things is “saving” their toys for later.

Since the rugs have become almost sacred, they feel confident leaving a toy or material on a work rug while they run off to do another task, such as have a meal or use the bathroom. Or perhaps it is the end of the day and they’re really not quite done setting up the dolls. The children have faith that their sibling or classmate will leave their materials alone in their absence. When the child returns to work or play, their things will be waiting there for them.

As a parent, I appreciate having a limited number of rugs available. We have a total of 4 rugs for 2 children. Half are for school and half are for play. When one of my children is done with one toy, putting it away is not always top of their priorities. But with a limited number of rugs, it becomes necessary. Rather than reminding them to put their things away, it just happens. There is no room on the rug for a second activity, so away it goes.

My kids and I love having work rugs in our home. It’s one of the first things I recommend to parents struggling with with order (or siblings!) and toys. Have you implemented rugs in your home?

A Prepared Environment, What It Is, and How to Bring it Home

What is the Prepared Environment?

You may have heard Montessorians talk about the prepared environment. But what exactly is the prepared environment and how do you do it at home? (Jump to just that section)

The prepared environment means everything in the space is ready for the child’s use and exploration. We begin with child sized furniture and tools, open shelving for the children’s activities, and and supplies the child may need for the day. There is also a dedicated space for everything in the room and for the child’s belongings.

A child can enter a Montessori classroom, hang his coat, and complete any number of activities independently. There is a child-sized location to wash hands, use the restroom, and have a snack. Everything the child needs is in his reach.

The Final Touches

Before class starts for Montessori children, you can find Montessori guides and aides going about the classroom, making sure everything is ready. This may mean placing chairs at a table, getting foods out for food prep, or sharpening pencils. When children enter a Montessori classroom, we want them drawn to the materials. Everything the child needs should be ready.

After the children have left the classroom for the day, guides and aides go through their classrooms and clean up items that need to be put away. A forgotten work rug, a material or a piece of an activity. We tidy up and replenish whatever needs to be done. The shelves should be orderly, both visually and everything in the proper location.

But what about the children’s responsibility, you may be wondering. Aren’t Montessori children supposed to clean up after themselves?

Yes, and they do. But as adults we understand children are still learning. We assist in this as much as possible during the day and know there were be little things for us to tidy regardless. Some parents prefer to leave items as they lay for the child to notice the next day. With older children, this may work. When a young child returns to school and sees materials still out, forgotten, or work rugs haphazardly piled together, she does not learn respect of the materials. When materials are not in the proper location, she may not be independent in getting the material she now has to hunt for.

Adults show the children how we respect the materials and keep the space organized by ensuring it is that way at the start of the day.

Prepared Home Environment

The first step is to make your what your child needs more accessible in your home. More on that here. The next step is to make sure everything your child needs has it’s “home.” That is, each item should have one place it always belongs. A bin for shoes by the door, a cabinet for dishes, a shelf for the puzzle, and so on. New toys

On a daily basis, it is great for your child to see you cleaning up. Children are naturally observant and will notice that you always clean up the breakfast dishes in the morning and pick up miscellaneous things around the living room. The other piece is to help your child clean up their own things. With toddlers, it helps to show them the new activity, do it with them, and model putting it away. As they get older, I try to notice when they are finishing up and remind them to put the activity away. Work rugs/play mats are a huge help with this! You can check out my post on them here. At this point, my five year old benefits from reminders but she does not always need them.

When the kids aren’t around, I put the finishing touches on cleaning up. While I’m with them, I’ll help direct and assist as needed, but I know while they’re still learning, it’s going to be “kid clean.” Things may be put back on the shelves willy nilly, their jacket on the floor under the hook, or maybe a toy completely forgotten about. That’s OK! I pick the last few things up.

In the morning, my children will see how beautiful everything looks. It will help them remember their belongings are important and to be cared for. As they get older, they can assume more responsibility for this. For an older child, you may want to do a quick sweep of the are after they’ve cleaned up. You can point out the things that are disorderly, left out, or missing and help them finish up as needed.

Where do you struggle with the prepared environment? How does this affect your child? What are you doing well, and what can be improved?

“Children are Human Beings to Whom Respect is Due”

It’s hard for me to choose a favorite quote from Maria Montessori, though this is certainly up there. I have seen a lot of posts lately on the topic of respecting children – and not everyone agrees with it.

I see the point they make and understand the feelings behind it. Some adults try to show children respect without demanding it from children.

When Maria Montessori wrote about respecting children, she meant we should be showing kindness, allowing them to make developmentally appropriate choices, and help them to be independent. We must also respect ourselves. But getting that balance right can be tricky.

So please, do give your child choices. Allow independence. Allow your child to feel heard and take his opinions into consideration. Work with your child to solve problems and make sure tasks get done. Love your child as best you can. Be kind. Be gentle.

But don’t forget to respect yourself, too. Set your limits and be firm. Don’t accept unacceptable behavior or language. Allow yourself to make mistakes. Most importantly, remember that none of us are perfect and we’re all trying the best we can.

A Balancing Act

For many parents, it’s difficult to find the right balance of kind and firm, when to give choices and when not to, which battles to pick and when to let things go. Sometimes we feel the respect we’re showing our children is too lenient, whether because we really are being lenient or because we’re just used to a more authoritarian parenting style.

However you are feeling about parenting, it’s important to look at what matters to YOU. Then work backwards and think about what that would look like when you interact with your child.

For example, it’s important to me that my children ask for things. I don’t care if they say please, they may not demand things of me. “I want milk, please,” feels a lot different than, “May I have some milk, please?” Since this is a way that I feel more respected, I let them know I will help them when they ask me kindly.

And when my daughter has decided she does not want to clean up her LEGO blocks, I ask why. Maybe she feels like there are too many and she wants some help. Maybe she worked really hard on her creation and doesn’t want it ruined. We can work it out. She is still going to be responsible for her toys, but maybe I can help her in some way. Or maybe we find a safe spot to save her creation and the rest of the blocks get put away. I’m can show respect for her and her perspective without taking away my role as a parent.

Does “respect for the child” come naturally to you? Does it feel hard? Where do you struggle and where do you succeed?

The Montessori Kitchen: Independent and Confident

Picture this…

Your child wakes up in the morning and gets herself out of bed. She walks into the kitchen and finds a piece of bread. She puts it in the toaster. When the toast pops, she uses the toast tongs to put it on her plate. She carefully spreads some peanut butter on the toast and brings it to her table. Then she goes to the refrigerator and gets some orange juice for herself.

You may watch this scene with both pride and worry. I know I do, whether I’m watching my own children or I’m in a classroom. It’s really hard to not step in sometimes. But I remind myself that every time I do, the child hears: You can’t do this yourself.

I don’t want my kids feeling that way; I want them to feel CONFIDENT and CAPABLE. So how do you make your kitchen feel child friendly and keep yourself at ease?

In the kitchen, children can learn to do anything from get themselves a snack, help prep food, help with dinner, or even cook a simple meal.

The first thing I did for my children was buy a step stool and a few child friendly kitchen tools and dishes. These can cost as little or as much as you like. You may even have things in your home already that can be repurposed!

The Basics

A designated shelf or drawer for the children’s tools. This is the most important piece, in my mind. If I had the room in my kitchen, I would set up a nice open shelf so the kids could see where everything is easily. Instead, we have a dedicated drawer for their things.
Tall step stool or learning tower. We got by with an Ikea BEKVAM. It puts kids at an ideal height for the counter. A safer, though pricier, option would be a LEARNING TOWER: they give kids the extra height they need to comfortably work at the counter. Look for one that is adjustable to support your children as they grow.
A small, non-skid cutting board.
A top handle crinkle chopper. We love the Joei Crinkle Cutter (not affiliate link). They’re great for toddlers as well as older children.
Nylon knives are a good option for kids, and my own sometimes use them. But more often, I let them use a paring knife (and stay nearby!).
A small pitcher for pouring drinks. I like to keep a pitcher of milk for my kids in the fridge. Other families keep a pitcher on a low table for easier access. One of my favorites is this glass pitcher from For Small Hands (not affiliate link). I highly recommend glass because children learn that it is breakable and they really do try to be more careful with it.
A small collection of cups, plates, and utensils. I grabbed some ceramic salad plates for $1 each and small glass juice cups. Yes, they’ve broken a few, but they’re usually very careful (and really, it’s only been about 3 over the last 4+ years!)
Available snack foods. As long as it’s child-accessible, there is no “right” way to do it.

Snacks and Food Prep

Now… what can your child DO with all those tools?

I try to keep snack simple at my house. Our goal is to have snack available that the children can independently get or make. In our fridge on the lowest shelf, I keep a few jars of prepped veggies, cheese sticks, and yogurt. I keep non-refrigerated snacks on a kitchen shelf. Easy and self-serve.

Most of my own kids’ food prep is helping with meals or making their own meal. I try to be nearby or work alongside them to help them if they need help or show them a new skill, but let them be independent for as much as possible.

Simple food prep ideas:

Pour pre-measured ingredients into mixing bowl
Stir or whisk ingredients
Crack an egg
Make scrambled eggs
Spread butter, peanut butter, or jam on toast
Slice cucumbers
Chop potatoes, carrots
Stir pasta
Slice apples
Measure and pour ingredients, easier for kindergarten aged and up
Sprinkle seasonings on food
Cook foods in a skillet
Make a tossed salad
Peel boiled eggs
Mash potatoes

There are really so many more things your children can do to help in the kitchen. My 5 year old recently made meat loaf for the family. Se normally does not like cooking much, but she LOVES meat loaf so I explained the recipe and she did it!

What about in your family? How do your children help cook or prepare their foods? Let me know in the comments!

Montessori at Home: So easy, you can do it!

It’s impressive. Parents and observers often marvel at the level of independence of children in Montessori classrooms, noticing how little direction children seem to need as the accomplish their tasks. These comments are often followed up with, “My child would never do this at home!”

Maybe not, but… maybe!

Small changes can make a big difference in your life and your child’s life. Start with one thing. Maria Montessori developed her philosophy and materials through careful observation and trial and error. Tweak little things in your home as you transition to a more “Montessori.”

Make it a “Yes space”

No one, especially not a young child seeking independence, wants to be told, “No!” all day. Everyone feels better and interacts better when all those negative comments go away. Now, this does not mean we should never say, “No,” to our children or never discipline; we merely want the child’s main spaces to feel like a safe place for your child, where you can spend more time enjoying your child and less time worrying.

What does this look like? I do not think there is a simple answer that will satisfy every family’s needs. Step one I would recommend is basic child proofing (outlet covers, tripping hazards, exposed cords/wires). Step two is OBSERVE. Where is your child drawn to?

Let Routines be the Boss

“It’s time to get dressed.”
“You’re still in your pajamas. You NEED clothes on!”
“WHY are you STILL wearing your PAJAMAS?! We need to leave in five minutes!”

Sound familiar? I’m sure every parent (guilty!) has gone through this at some point. This is where routines can be a huge help. HUGE. When there is no set routine, children don’t know what is coming next. They may feel uncertain, anxious, worried. They may get involved in an activity and have no realization they should be getting dressed.

Routines differ from schedules. Schedules tell us what time we do what. Routines simply tell us in what order things happen. For young children, who do not yet understand time, routines offer predictability.

Try to keep routines simple. For example, our evening routine is dinner, shower, brush teeth, jammies, books (in bed). After we clean up dinner, the kids know they’re heading to the bathroom to shower. There are no questions or arguments about what is happening. I often don’t even need to remind them what to do!

Creating a routine that works for your children and family may take some trial and error, which is ok. Once you figure it out, try to be as strict as possible with the routine, but be flexible with the timing. For example, it’s OK if they spend an extra 15 minutes in the shower today, just move on to the next step. Just make sure the same things happen in the same order and the same way as every day. It’s hard at first, but I promise it will become second nature!

Now that my oldest is 5, she is able to be far more flexible with routines, which is helpful. But on most days, she follows the routine just as much as my toddler.

Accessibility & Child Sized Furniture

Montessorians advocate giving children as much independence as we can. In a Montessori classroom, you will see small tables and chairs, low shelves, and low counters for food prep. We recognize this is only a dream for many families! In our home, we use a small table and chair set and make sure everything the children need (whether it’s toys or tools) are accessible. They can get their own in and out of bed, their own clothes, reach the bathroom sink and toilet, get their own dishes… basically anything they need. We utilize the low drawers and shelves around the house and have plenty of step stools where needed.

A small shelf in the kitchen, if you have room, can serve as dish/utensil storage and a small food prep area. Some families set up a low table for a Montessori handwashing station next to a child’s potty. Pinterest has a million ideas to help you find what will work best in your home, for your family.

For more information on preparing the space for your child, see my post on the prepared environment.

Organization

“A place for everything, everything in its place.”

Young children are in their sensitive period for order. They take comfort in order. Not to mention, an orderly home makes everything easier for parents, too! Think about things your child needs and uses and make sure it has a designated place; in my home, we refer to item’s places as their “home” and talk about where things “live.”

Open shelves for toys and activities let children see their choices, easily get what they want, and make clean up easier. By the door, we have a shoe rack and some low hooks for jackets. For ease, there are small bins on the shoe rack. Each child has a shoe bin and a hat/glove bin. My youngest also keeps her socks there because she never seems to have socks on when it’s actually time to put shoes on.

Much like routines creating predictability, when children know that certain things are always in certain places, they can independently get the things they need and want.

One of the challenges with organization is helping children remember to actually put things away. As much as young children truly do appreciate organization, it takes a lot of work from adults to make sure it happens. Your role is to model putting things away, help and remind children to put things away when they’re finished, and help clean things up when they are not around (see my post about the “prepared environment” for more info).

So… what next?

Where do you start with all this? How do you do it? There are so many options, it can be hard to know where you should start in your own home. Or maybe you’ve already started doing some of these and are looking for the next step.

Let me know in the comments what is working – and not working – for you!